Originally broadcast on BFM 89.9 – The Business Station: 🎙️ Listen to the Full Conversation: Sheila Singam discusses How To Master Workplace Feedback on BFM 89.9’s Transformation Series podcast with Freda Liu. (Run time: 29:37 mins). Published on 26 February 2018.
Key Takeaways
- The Archaeology vs. Architecture of Feedback: Traditional performance reviews often degenerate into destructive criticism that digs up past failures using over-generalised language, whereas genuine workplace feedback acts as a forward-looking architectural blueprint focused on building future capability.
- Eliminating Conflict with the BEER Framework: Leaders can deliver constructive, non-defensive feedback by systematically structuring the dialogue around four objective pillars: isolating specific Behaviour, stating the tangible Effect, defining the required Expectation, and demonstrating the positive Result.
- Extracting Value from Imperfect Input: Employees can build personal resilience and professional adaptability by learning to look for the “grain of truth” in clumsy or harsh feedback while discarding the unconstructive emotional noise.
- Cultivating Top-Down Psychological Safety: Fostering a high-performing feedback culture requires C-suite leaders to model approachability, break down rigid hierarchies, establish continuous multi-channel communication systems, and protect employees from penalisation when speaking up.
- Driving Engagement Through Timeliness: Moving away from delayed annual appraisals toward immediate, frequent feedback—including crucial positive reinforcement—significantly boosts employee retention, motivation, and overall workplace alignment.
We have all sat through that dreaded Monday morning meeting where a supervisor clears their throat, looks us dead in the eye, and says, “Can I give you a bit of feedback?”
Immediately, the stomach drops, the hands go cold, and every defence mechanism we possess goes on high alert. In our Malaysian workplaces, where saving face is practically a fine art, feedback is rarely experienced as a helpful nudge. Instead, it feels like a public kena hantam (reprimand) or a silent sentence to cold storage, leaving us spending days quietly overthinking every word.
From our school days to our corporate boardrooms, we have been conditioned to view feedback as a sign that we have failed. But what if the problem isn’t feedback itself, but the clumsy, destructive way we deliver it?
The Feedback Metaphor: Serving Water or Throwing Buckets?
Think of it this way: feedback is very much like serving water to a thirsty traveller. The water itself is clean, refreshing, and essential for life. But if you throw that water from a dirty bucket straight into their face, they will not thank you for quenching their thirst. They will flinch, wipe off the mess, and walk away feeling humiliated. It wasn’t the water that was the problem; it was the delivery. When we wrap our feedback in harsh tones or blanket judgements, we are throwing water from a bucket. When we deliver it with empathy, clarity, and precision, we are offering it in a clean glass.
The Archaeologists versus The Architects
When performance conversations go off the rails, it is almost always because feedback has mutated into criticism.
Criticism is accusatory, over-generalised, and hopelessly obsessed with past mistakes. It relies on lazy, sweeping statements—“You are always late with your reports” or “You never pay attention in client meetings”—leaving the recipient feeling defensive, demoralised, and ready to shut down.
Feedback, on the other hand, is specific, precise, and focused on building a clear path forward.
Consider the fundamental difference: people who rely on criticism are like archaeologists—they spend all their time digging up past errors. People who master genuine feedback are like architects—they are actively building future capability.
If we want our teams to innovate and grow, we have to stop digging up the past and start constructing the future.
The Blueprint for Change: The BEER Framework
To take the anxiety out of performance conversations, leaders must strip away personal judgements and focus strictly on observable actions. You never critique an individual’s personality, character, or core values. You address one specific, measurable behaviour at a time.
To make this seamless in daily operations, try using the BEER framework the next time you guide a team member:
- B – Behaviour: State the exact, observable action without adding emotional weight. For example, “You came to the client presentation without the updated project numbers.”
- E – Effect: Explain the clear, tangible impact of that specific action. “Because of that, we appeared unprepared in front of the client’s leadership team.”
- E – Expectation: Clearly define what needs to happen moving forward. “In future, I expect you to have all data verified and prepped at least two hours before the meeting.”
- R – Result: Highlight the positive outcome achieved when the expectation is met. “When we present a united, thoroughly prepared front, we build trust and win the contract.”
Structuring conversations around these four steps removes the guesswork and the drama. You are not attacking who they are as a person; you are giving them a practical roadmap to succeed.
Growth Lives in the Truth
Receiving constructive input gracefully is an active choice. Even when feedback is delivered clumsily or wrapped in harsh delivery, sitting and wallowing in the emotional mud gets us nowhere. Focus on identifying the grain of truth, use it to sharpen your professional practice, and discard the rest.
Feedback is never a final verdict on your worth; it is the ultimate blueprint for your growth.
If this dynamic sounds familiar to what your team is navigating right now, let’s chat. Send a quick message to our team at Human Equation, and let’s figure out how to bring the human element back into your strategy.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do managers and employees in Asian workplaces find giving and receiving feedback so difficult?
In many Southeast Asian corporate cultures, workplace dynamics are deeply influenced by hierarchical structures and the concept of “saving face”. Giving direct feedback is often avoided because leaders fear it will cause public embarrassment or damage personal relationships. Conversely, receiving feedback is frequently misinterpreted as a personal failure or an indictment of character rather than an opportunity for professional development.
What is the fundamental difference between workplace feedback and criticism?
- Criticism is backward-looking (“archaeological”), relying on sweeping generalisations (such as “you always” or “you never“) that target an individual’s character or attitude, leaving them demoralised and defensive.
- Feedback is forward-looking (“architectural”), focusing strictly on specific, observable behaviours and measurable outcomes to construct a path for future performance improvement.
Can Malaysian companies claim workplace feedback training under the HRD Corp levy?
Yes. HRD Corp registered training providers offer specialised communication, leadership, and feedback training programmes that qualify for 100% levy reimbursement under the HRD Corp (HRDF) claimable scheme for eligible registered employers.
How can leaders establish a continuous feedback culture instead of relying on annual performance appraisals?
Waiting for annual reviews often leads to outdated grievances and demoralized staff. Leaders can cultivate an active feedback culture by establishing regular, informal check-ins (such as monthly coffee chats), maintaining open-door policies, using multi-channel feedback systems, and actively balancing constructive redirection with timely positive reinforcement.
How should an employee handle feedback that is delivered ungracefully or with harsh tone?
Focus on separating the delivery style from the underlying message. Filter out emotional exaggerations or harsh words, look for the actionable “grain of truth” that can help improve performance, and discard the unconstructive emotional noise.
Transcript: How To Master Workplace Feedback
Transcript: How To Master Workplace Feedback
Freda: Good morning. This is Freda Liu. It’s Motivational Monday on Enterprise, and a very interesting topic today on this thing called feedback.
So, why do people generally find it so hard to receive and give feedback with grace—or never mind grace, some people just find it hard to receive or give feedback, period? ‘Feedback’ is a word that makes many people uncomfortable, especially in our Asian society. In many Asian communities, people are reluctant to give feedback for fear it will cause loss of face to the other party. They also see receiving feedback as a sign of having failed in some way.
So, what is the value in feedback? Why is it so important to us as individuals? And how can organisations benefit from a healthy feedback culture?
So, joining us to discuss these issues today is Human Equation founder, Sheila Singam, who is usually with us—actually always with us—on the last Monday of every month. Welcome back, Sheila. Happy Chinese New Year!
Sheila: Same to you.
Freda: You’re wearing a lovely red dress.
Sheila: Yeah, in keeping with the season.
Freda: Okay, here’s the first question. What is the difference between the word “feedback” and “criticism”?
Sheila: Well, don’t you think, Freda, that criticism has more negative connotations? When you hear the word “criticism”, immediately what comes to mind is, you know, judgement, you know, and then something that’s accusatory, and… um… and usually, uh, criticism tends to overexaggerate, you know, overgeneralise…
Freda: Added salt—
Sheila: …and you… you just go and say people like, “You’re always like that,” like, “You’re… you know, you’ve got no interest in your work.” You make these blanket statements with people, and then you always… words like “always” and “never”. So, very generalised.
Freda: It becomes very focused on the person and not the behaviour.
Sheila: Yes, correct—person’s character and attitude and all that. So, it usually leaves the person feeling very, uh, angry and demoralised, and after that, they… they come away from that without actually taking anything positive or constructive from that.
On the other hand, feedback is very… has positive connotations, you know? It’s not threatening, and it’s about building up. It’s about correcting a person’s behaviour that might be wanting. At the same time, it can also be positive, as when you give positive feedback to someone who’s done a good job. So, feedback tends to be more precise, and feedback tends to focus on the way ahead—what needs to be done—rather than, you know, sort of digging up the past and…
Freda: and just going on with the past and everything. Whereas feedback’s like next steps.
Sheila: Yeah. So, I say, feedback, the people who use feedback are like architects: they’re building the future. The people who use criticism are like archaeologists: they’re digging up the past.
Freda: Okay, I like that—architects and archaeologists, right?
Sheila: Right.
Freda: Okay, so what are some reasons people find it hard to give feedback?
Sheila: I think one of the premier reasons is fear, okay? Now, on a personal level in our society, feedback’s never encouraged, okay? It’s very paternalistic, our society. So, when you’re told something, you’re just supposed to listen, keep quiet.
Freda: You remember that father that tells you something and, “Don’t answer back!”
Sheila: Ah, cannot answer back! And then that’s carried on in our schools, in our government schools and all that. And we have heard—seen on Facebook and all that—instances of teachers really punishing, uh, beyond, uh, what is, uh, beyond reason, students who like question, ask a question like, “Oh, but teacher, that’s wrong,” and then one tight slap, you know? So, that kind of thing really puts fear into you, right? So, um, and so it becomes ingrained when you go to workplaces. So, you just follow that culture, right?
And many companies, like family companies and all that, that kind of hierarchy and all that is… is instilled. The… the bosses love that kind of thing, so you’re not encouraged to give feedback, right?
And then on a personal level also, you are afraid to give feedback because, first of all, you don’t know how it’s going to be received. So, I come to you and say, “You know, um, can I just give you some feedback?” And then some people who can’t take the feedback, they take umbrage, and then they get their backs up, and then they scold you or, you know, “Who gives you the right to come and give me feedback?” And they get angry, they get defensive, they can get abusive, and then they can sort of walk away and say, “You know what? I don’t need a friend like you.” They’re not seeing the feedback in the right context, right?
So, on a personal level, the fact that you might lose a friend by giving feedback. Now if I have a friend whom I give them feedback and then they walk away from me, then I’ll just say, “Well, well and good, lah.” Or feedback given by a friend is much better than sweet words from an enemy, I think.
Freda: Right, don’t you think so? But also at the same time, right, this is a thing as well, like, you know, uh, do I give feedback if they’re not asking, as in a friend context? I… in a friend context, um, if they didn’t ask for my feedback, I don’t usually, right? And it’s fear—it’s fear because I might lose the friendship, right, um, unless they ask for my opinion, then I will only give my feedback.
Sheila: I think it also depends on their context, because if I feel that someone is really ruining their lives, ruining their reputation, I would just say, “I love you very much. I really care about where you’re going in your life, and if you don’t mind, I mean, if you are open, can I give you some feedback?” If they say don’t want, then keep quiet, right? But if they say, “Yeah, what is it?” then say, “I mean it out of love.” And you have to give the feedback in a very gracious and gentle and elegant manner, you know, without critiquing the person’s personality, the person’s values, the person’s beliefs—you don’t touch on those. Just touch on the behaviour, you know.
Freda: And I… I guess like where you’re coming from: “So, I love you very much.” So, you’re saying that, “I’m coming from the point of caring and love,” um, and whether they want it or not, then that’s different. But they understand your intention was good, right?
Sheila: Speaking about feedback in the corporate context, right? A lot of us are scared to give feedback at the workplace because, number one, we feel that it may be not our business if you see something happening in another department that’s wrong, for example. We feel like, “Oh, better not, better keep quiet, because, you know, I don’t want to tread on someone’s toes,” ’cause everyone’s so territorial, right?
Number two, it’s also because if you’re scared to give feedback upwards, because if it’s constructive feedback or you’re pointing out something that’s wrong, people are scared of being penalised. I hear this all the time, Freda, when I go do training and I’m giving people feedback models and say, “No, you have to give feedback,” they’ll say, “No, after, we get penalised, we get put in cold storage, um, you know, we will be… our bonus will be cut, we will not be promoted.” So, there’s always that fear, which is very, very sad, which just basically means that the place they’re working for doesn’t have an open and transparent feedback culture.
Freda: Right, and… and what about the reasons people, you like, don’t receive feedback well?
Sheila: Uh, I think one of the things is, um, first, you’re insecure. It’s very hard to hear negative things about yourself, you know? We all have a sense of pride in ourselves and what we achieve, and many of us have a really rosy picture of who we are. So, when someone comes and gives you a feedback, it’s as if you’re found wanting. Right, you feel like a failure—a failure in some way. “I’m not perfect.” But I always tell people that the basis for receiving feedback is: don’t look at it as failure. In NLP, we have a presupposition; it says, “There is no failure, only feedback.” So, every feedback that’s given to you, I always tell people, look for the grain of truth in feedback.
If you listen to feedback, if you take feedback seriously, you’re only going to improve. You’re only going to enhance your skills and, you know, your… your, um, behaviour to be able to perform better, for example, or do things in a better way, you know, to give yourself a better future, better relationships, and things like that.
Freda: Okay. And you’re saying the grain of truth… there’s some people who just want to pull you down as well. So, uh, you… then, you know, you got to realise: is there any truth in this? Sometimes you also analyse the feedback, whether it is, uh, from a good place or not.
Sheila: It’s true. Now, when people come to you and say things and do things, they’re always doing it with a positive intention for themselves. So, sometimes they can come and give you feedback in a nasty way—maybe it’s making them feel better, superior, or something. So, you just have to step back and say, “What’s this person’s intention?” And if you have any doubts about the feedback, go and check with other people: “Am I really like that? Do I really do that?” And if you’ve got like five people saying, “No, actually you do, since you asked,” then, you know, you need to work on it.
So, I always tell people, you know, sometimes people throw a clot of mud at your face. Look for the grain of truth. Take that grain of truth and act on it. Discard the mud. Don’t sit and wallow in the mud and then feel angry and upset and take it personally and all that, you know.
Freda: Okay. Um, so how can we receive feedback with grace and, uh, gratitude? We’ll discuss that in just a moment. Sheila Singam from Human Equation here with us on Enterprise. Stay tuned, BFM 89.9.
Good morning. This is Freda Liu. If you’ve just joined us, it’s Motivational Monday. It’s Raise Your Game, of course. Uh, this is Enterprise. Sheila Singam from Human Equation here every last Monday of the month in our Tools for Transformation series. Today is about giving feedback, and we’re talking about, you know, earlier on, how we always have this issue with feedback because we associate it with the word “criticism”. Now, how can we then receive feedback with grace and gratitude?
Sheila: First, I think you need to have an aura of approachability. You need to… your whole facial expression, body language, all needs to be like, “Okay, I’m ready to listen.” The minute you have that defensive look on your face, people are scared already. They might not give you the real, uh, feedback, you know what I mean? They might just hold back, so you won’t get it.
Now, the thing is to listen. Now, very often when people give you feedback, you tend to want to interrupt: “But, but, but there were extenuating circumstances for why I did that,” you know what I mean? So, uh, in… especially we do that in… in a home context with family and friends, you know.
So, I remember an occasion where my daughter came to me and said, “Can I give you some feedback?” And then she said, “You know, you’re always planning things for us,” when they were younger. “You’re always planning things for us and without asking us, and you as a parent assume that children just have to do what you tell them.”
So, I was a bit defensive: “But you’re my child, you have to do this.”
She said, “Yeah, but Mum, we’re also individuals. We got our own stuff. Doesn’t mean we want to go and do everything that you want to do and want us to do.”
I’m like, “Oh, okay. Well, thank you for that feedback.” So, that, you know, actually changed the entire tone of our relationship, because then I learned to respect them and their needs.
And so, um, how do you give feedback with grace is you got to look at what is the intention. Now, I like to set very high standards for myself as a trainer, right? So, there was this programme I did, and I thought everything was wonderful, and I looked at the return feedback—it’s all fantastic. And when I went to meet the client, I was training a young bunch of very young, energetic people in an onboarding programme. They came back and said to me, “Well, the feedback was they like the programme, and they like the depth of it and all that, but they maybe felt that you could have had a bit more activity.”
I’m like, “Oh, okay,” ’cause I’m a bit old, as you know, and all these like twenty-something-year-olds and all, one energy and all that. So, for a minute there, you will have a twinge of, “Oh God, really? You know, what… how did I fail?” But then put it aside, and I always said, “Okay, we’ll take that feedback.”
And then we went back, and we put in like, you know, uh, activities that they could… we get energised with throughout the programme, because that’s what young people want. And after that, the feedback we got was like… you know, was like absolutely amazing—everything was almost 100%. So, if you take the feedback in a positive way and act upon it, if it is, uh, sort of valid feedback, you can only improve as a human being. You can only improve as an employee, as a professional.
Okay? It’s not just about listening to what your client wants. It’s listening to what your internal customers want in the organisation. It could be just as something as simple as, you know, “Why is it when people say hello to you, you don’t respond, you just grunt?” You know, “Can you just say hello as well?”
I’ve done that to people, and after that I get a… they make it a, “Hello, morning Sheila.” And I’m like, “Morning!” and then it totally brightens.
Freda: Your face is so dark, right? Who wants to say hello, right? The cloud has appeared; the cloud has arrived.
Sheila: Yeah. So, what you do is you listen carefully to the feedback, and then you paraphrase. You ask the person, “Okay, so what you’re saying is this, this, this, this, is am I right?” And then you can also ask for examples. If you really don’t understand what you did that was… that needs to be improved, ask for examples, okay? “So, what did I do, and what would you have me do instead? What’s the expectation?”
Okay. So, and, you know, and then what, right? So, you ask for that, and then, of course, as I said, look for the grain of truth, and if you have any doubt about the reliability of that feedback, if you think the person is just being personal and picking on you, ask other people around.
Sheila: Right, okay.
Freda: Right, you know, and… and why is feedback… why is the feedback culture so important in organisations? And before you answer that, I mean, I was just saying like even with BFM, right, we always appreciate feedback. Or speaking of which, you can, uh, tweet us at @BFMradio, or you can send us a WhatsApp at 018-789 8899.
Um, we do take feedback, uh, very seriously, and sometimes it’s like… sometimes gets personal: “Oh, I don’t like this person,” not this person, no. I mean, and then we can’t improve on that, right? I mean, if you can say, “Can the person…” and you’re right with a solution or an example of what it is, and then even a suggestion of how it can be better, right, because we do take it very seriously, and I mean, that’s only to improve us. But when it’s very like… it feels very personal, we can’t do anything about it.
Sheila: Yeah, but I also think that you… sometimes organisations need to teach people how to give feedback. I actually do that in my trainings, in my communication trainings. I actually teach people how to receive and give feedback, because giving… receiving feedback, of course, you know, it takes time to, as you grow into maturity, to be able to take it, but giving feedback is so important, because if you don’t give feedback to people in the workplace, how do they know how they have performed?
Now, statistics have shown that over 40% of employees who obtain regular feedback will say that they’re highly engaged at work—doesn’t matter whether it’s positive or constructive. Now, over here in our country, you do something wrong, straight away you ‘kena’ (get an earful), you know what I mean? But when you do something absolutely right, not very often do people come and give you positive feedback. It’s not in our nature, you know, how as a child people come to you… uh, you know, someone comes to you at home and tells your parents, “Waa, your daughter’s so clever, did so well,” and then father says, “Don’t say in front of her, after, head very big, she won’t study anymore.”
So, we don’t know how to give feedback. We’re not encouraged to give feedback in this culture, you know, with all kinds of theories: the spirits will hear, and then after that come and ‘kena’ (get an earful) the child, you know, all this stuff, right? So, I think we need to teach people, first of all, how to give positive feedback and appreciate others, right?
Freda: And you… you know, your point about in… in organisations as well, I think like, um, even like, you know, when you do your review and it’s just once a year, you can’t do much, and you say, “Huh? I don’t remember doing this,” whereas whether you can give it quarterly or even daily or weekly, right? So, like something to act upon immediately so they… I guess employees will know whether they’ve got it right Day 1 and not just wait for 3 months down the road or one year down the road.
Sheila: Exactly. You need to give feedback in a timely manner, because at all points, feedback is not to undermine the person. Should never be to undermine the person and see… see, you’re not good enough. It should always be to say, say, “This behaviour is not measuring up to our expectations. This is what I expect you to do,” and giving you the opportunity to improve.
So, the purpose of feedback has to be to improve, to build, whether it’s positive. Now, if someone comes and gives you positive feedback about your… something you did, surely you’ll be inspired to do more of it, right? Or if someone comes and gives you constructive feedback that says, “Okay, that wasn’t good enough, this is what you need to do,” then surely you would want to, you know, measure up to those expectations, because at the end of the day, you know that by doing that… and, of course, when you tell people, um, you know, that they improve, there is something—a pat on the back. You don’t have to give them remuneration or anything, but a pat on the back when you have made a mistake and then you’ve improved after that and never made the mistake, surely they deserve a pat on the back.
We often forget; we think we give constructive feedback for you to improve, and then when you have improved, you keep quiet. No, of course you got to say, “You know, I noticed like you really made an effort and you’ve done well, and I’m really pleased with that. Good way to go with that, you’ve taken it very seriously,” you know?
So, uh, organisations… feedback culture is so important because it tells people how well they have done, what are the gaps between in what they’re doing and what they need to do, all right? And also, it’s very energising and motivating, and it’s a key factor in productivity and performance. If you don’t tell people how they’ve done, how do they know? You wait once a year, and that at appraisal time, then you ‘hantam’ (reprimand) them and everything they did wrong and tell them then why they have not… um… they’re not going to get that, you know, full bonus or get the promotion. How do you think the person is going to feel? He’s going to be utterly demoralised.
This is why a lot of, um… as we talked last… last month, right, a lot of people leave after the appraisal, you know. It’s not just to collect the bonus and go; it’s also because they don’t feel valued, appreciated, and they would turn on and say, “Well, I did that 6 months ago or 9 months ago. Why didn’t you tell me then so I could improve? Why did you keep quiet and allow me to continue doing that, um, same mistake, and then now you sit down there and just say, you know, just throw it at me in one lump, and then I’m just sitting here feeling so worthless, you know?”
Freda: And you know, but when I’m listening to you and all that, I’m just thinking of the times when people have given me feedback. At the end of the day, it’s always the person with the good intention that I will go the extra mile for, as in like, even if it was, uh, the… the… the feedback was like an area to improve, and I know that person came from a good place, I would, you know, would listen with open ears and an open heart, you know?
That’s… that’s one of the things, if I were to say anything, um, and when a person comes from that point of perspective, uh, they may be… the person may not like it for a moment, but if I—or I may not like it for the moment, but I know that the person has my best interest at heart, I will take it graciously. I find that that, at the end of the day…
Sheila: Definitely
Freda: Right, how, you know, rather it be sugarcoated and all that, but if a person comes because they care, that… that’s one of the things.
Sheila: Absolutely,
Freda: Now, so how can—with that in mind, how can organisations foster a healthy feedback culture?
Sheila: First of all, it has to start from the top. Uh, I know of a lot of CEOs that say, “Oh no, we welcome feedback and all that,” and then when the people go and give them feedback, they can’t receive it.
‘Cause ego, is that what… you think, “I’m not good enough,” they feel threatened and all that, right? So, it has to be a will from the C-suite, from senior management team, to actually foster the feedback culture.
Now, you just imagine if the CEO has an open-door policy and says anybody can come in to my room—anybody, even the office boy can come into the room and give me some constructive feedback or tell me how things can be improved—if he has that kind of attitude, don’t you think the rest are going to follow?
Freda: It’ll be filtered down?
Sheila: Yeah, it’ll be filtered down. And he tell people, “If I can have that kind of attitude and go down to the ground and let… you know, talk to people, why aren’t you doing it?” No, CEO can say, “Okay, I’m going to do a walkabout once or twice a week. I’m going to go down to the office floor or wherever and talk to the people. Just talk to some random people, collect feedback. I want you all to do the same. I want to have, say, a weekly or fortnightly or monthly meeting for you to tell me: what is the feedback you have gained?”
So, you tell me if he has done that, um, and… and the feedback… and you can teach the people how to give feedback in an elegant and in a non-personal way, not… not complaining. So, you tell people, “You come and complain, complain, complain, but you don’t give any… some constructive ideas on how we can improve, we’re not going to receive it. If you come with a feedback on something that’s wrong, give us some ideas on how you think we can improve it.”
Now, it doesn’t mean that only good ideas and innovation can only come from the top level. It can come from young people are full of ideas, and sometimes it’s simple things like, you know, the office boy can come and give you or the tea lady can come and give you some, uh, feedback about, you know, how we should interact with each other or, you know, you’re going to have a team building for the organisation, they can tell you like, “What do we like?” you know? So, that sort of thing, right?
So, you also need to create a regular system for feedback—not a rigid one, but regular system, maybe every month have a… I don’t know, coffee morning with some of the employees or nasi lemak breakfast, and interact and just ask them, and then just open, accept all the feedback, right?
Another thing that you could do is, um, you need to have multiple channels for feedback, because different personalities… some people won’t speak up. You put them in a room of 10 people, say, “Any feedback?” All ‘diam’ only, you know? But some people might… may be able to sort of email you some feedback or WhatsApp you some feedback or, you know, have a… but you always tell people, if… if you create a safe and secure environment, people will put their name to the feedback. But if you’re going to penalise people for the feedback, uh? Then people are not going to put their name to it, okay? So, you need the… a flat organisational structure makes it easier.
No, but sometimes, you know, in our organisations here, we have so much of hierarchy. The person… some ordinary random executive has an idea, he has to give it to his boss, and then his boss might not communicate it up, or boss might communicate and take credit for it.
So, you know, you need to give credit to the people. You need to appreciate the feedback that is given and thank the person, and then if you’re not going to use the feedback, still thank the person for that, for having the courage to come up, and give a rationale for why you’re not using it, because you say 10 people give you feedback and you don’t use any of it, and people after that, “What’s the point? Now this company asks for feedback and then they never do anything about it; it’s just a big eyewash.”
So, you need to tell people, “Okay, we… we value this feedback, and maybe at some point in the future we might be able to implement when, you know, things are better, but right now it’s a bit tough. So, but we are archiving all this feedback, and thank you.”
So, you… you just have that, and… and it doesn’t have to be formal. You can come out of the lift, you know, or when you’re, you know, a manager in the lift, you can just talk to some people and ask them for some feedback about something, you know?
Freda: Okay, and know… so when I… I’m listening to this, you know, like words like, uh, grace, gratitude, healthy, safe, secure, you know, you know, these are… I think at the end of the day, these are the words that the person… um, we should bear in mind when giving… when… when giving or receiving feedback, you know, especially that… that probably underlying all of it, that’s how we should feel. Now, so do you have any specific techniques for giving feedback elegantly—that’s another good word—in a… in a work context?
Sheila: Okay, I think first of all, all feedback should focus on the behaviour, never on someone’s character or attitude. It should always focus on the behaviour; for example, instead of telling someone, “You are very impunctual,” okay, you go and tell that person, “Listen, this month you have been late twice every week or three times every week, okay? Or you have missed your deadlines five times this month.” It’s measurable.
Freda: Yup.
Sheila: And you can show the person the evidence of their behaviour that is not, uh, meeting expectations. And then secondly, it has to be very specific: one behaviour, one feedback. Don’t lump on like three different types of behaviour and then just—
Freda: One… one thing, one thing. Let’s just address one thing.
Sheila: Yeah. So that fellow doesn’t feel that he’s being victimised: “Oh, everything I do also is wrong, you’re just picking on me,” you know what I mean? And it must have a clear purpose, all right. So, instead of… there are a number of things you need to do that need improving, state one behaviour at a time. And it has to be a purpose: “I’m giving you this feedback because, you know, I want to see an improvement or a change, not simply to just come there, make you feel bad about yourself.” That should never be the intention, to undermine someone else by throwing stuff at them so that you feel better and superior. You get what I’m saying?
Freda: I get it.
Sheila: Yeah, I’m sure you’ve been at the receiving end of that kind of behaviour, right? And then as we discussed earlier, it has to be timely, okay? You give the behaviour at that time when it needs—when it’s been done and to… to effect a positive, um, change rather than months later, all right?
And this is also on a personal level, you know what I mean? You… and you don’t like look at your partner or family member and all the things and collect, collect, collect, and one day just ‘hantam’ (reprimand) them like that, and they like reeling from, “Oh my God, I never knew you felt this way. Why didn’t you tell me?” and then it’s your fault.
Freda: What is it that people say? What… “a memory of an elephant”?
Sheila: Ah, that’s why!
Freda: It all comes out
Sheila: …archaeologist: dig, dig, dig, everything right down to the smallest little particle, you know. I always tell people when they’re doing that, “Why do you want to be an archaeologist or an architect, you know?”
Freda: Right.
So and so, I actually have a formula, okay, for positive feedback. First of all, you go to the person and talk about the behaviour: “You know, the other day you did that, you know, proposal in time and all that, and it was really very well done and it was… had a really good impact.” So, the first is the behaviour; second is the effect. “Had a really, really good effect on the client, they came back with really positive feedback and we got the deal, you know, without having to go back to the drawing board. Thank you for that, you know, for a job well done, and keep it up,” you know, so the person knows exactly what you did instead of walking by the desk, patting him on the back and say, “Hey, you did a good job,” and the guy is wondering which job. Right? So, he doesn’t know how to replicate.
Now, the other one is a formula for constructive feedback, okay. So, it’s… first of all, it’s… it’s the acronym is B-E-E-R, okay.
Freda: Okay, I’ll remember that.
Sheila: You’ll remember that, yeah. So it’s B, Behaviour. Talk about the behaviour: “You know, when you, um, come unprepared for a meeting, for example, you know, the other day you came unprepared for the client meeting, so the effect is we look unprofessional in front of the client. “All right, we look unprofessional in front of a client and they were not very impressed, okay? So, behaviour, Effect. The next thing, the other E, is the Expectation. All right, what is your expectations? “So, in future, you need to be prepared. You need to be maybe briefed first, or you need to have all your facts together before the meeting commences so that…” And what is the result impact of that is the Result: “…so that that we look professional in front of the client, we’re able to go there, give them a really good presentation of our proposal and clinch the deal. So, in future, this is what I expect.” So: behaviour, the negative effect of the behaviour, your expectation, and if they do that expected behaviour, what is going to be the positive result?
Freda: Right, and I think like in that way also you explaining to them why, uh, you know, this behaviour is expected, because like so and such and such, right?
Sheila: Ya.
Freda: Okay, that’s right. Okay, um, all right, uh, this is very interesting that this feedback’s always a very sensitive topic, especially the workplace, and we… we want… we have to do it, but we’re too scared to do it.
Sheila: I think it always comes back to the management. They must have the confidence to be secure enough in their positions. And one of the reasons is, you know, sometimes people are put into positions because of their technical competencies and skills, but not because of their leadership or management skills. So, you find that someone who’s a great at sales gets promoted to sales manager, or, “Oh, someone who knows how to like maybe get… manage clients or somebody,” gets promoted to, you know, some client manager, whatever, but he doesn’t necessarily know how to manage his own people.
Freda: Right.
Sheila: Or the sales manager might not know how to teach people…
Freda: Right.
Sheila: Or you know, manage their feelings, their expectations, uh, you know, have the competencies of leadership competencies required.
Freda: Right.
Sheila: So, in as much as companies need to promote people based on competencies, they also need to equip them with leadership and management skills. How do you coach people? How do you give feedback?
Freda: Teach them to be emotionally intelligent, discuss. I think that’s… that’s when you go into a more management of people, that would probably be the key skill.
Sheila: Absolutely, and…
Freda: Topic for next month?
Sheila: Possibly, yes. EQ in leaders. Huh, good idea.
Freda: Okay, there you go. Uh, thanks for being with us again. Of course, you’ll be here the last Monday of next month. Uh, Sheila Singam from Human Equation. This is Enterprise, BFM 89.9.
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